Zebra Feet

I think I need a new right foot. It just straight up hurts. My big toe is gnawing at the rest of my foot, and my ankle is sore.

I am made wildly uncomfortable when people sit really close to me, especially in lectures. I don’t just mean when they sit in the seat next to me. I don’t need an entire row to myself or anything, but when they allow themselves to hang over the edge of the seat and into my personal space, I find it distressing. I am also not self-assured enough to calmly ask the person next to me in this sort of situation to kindly stop touching me.

I got a bit of purple ink on my shirt this morning, and while I’m certain that no one else will notice it, it still bothers me. In fact, looking down, I can’t even see it, but I can feel it. Not literally, but it’s like I put a marker on it inside my brain, on my mental map of the world, and I can’t get the little light bulb to turn off.

I’m wearing an Isis necklace today. It’s pretty-- I added a quartz pendant as well, so there’s a little silver Isis with the yellow quartz. It’s odd that I feel funny wearing my Hindu bracelet but have no qualms about wearing Isis. I think that must mean that my hesitation isn’t about the beauty of the images, but with the social pressures and cues that I might be caving to and/or giving off unintentionally (I made a typo when typing unintentionally the first time, and it auto-corrected to existentially).

I tried a melon strawberry drink this morning, and it’s delicious. I wish it were a little more melon and a little less strawberry though.

Several months ago, I mentioned to my boyfriend that I used to love the zebra gum that my dad would buy me when I was a little kid, but unfortunately I can’t chew it anymore because it has sugar anymore. This gum was so cool, it was zebra striped in bright colors (like green or pink or purple) and while that was neat enough in and of itself, but the really cool part was that each wrapper came with a stick-on tattoo. On Saturday, when he showed up at my house with the fixings for Mexican cocoa to comfort me after hearing that my Grandpa had passed away, he also brought a pack of the zebra gum, because while in Vons, he noticed that it came in sugar free now. It was just as amazing as I remember it.

My ears are crooked.

I’ve been so tired for a month now. I think that it would be in m best interest to sleep basically all day on Saturday. My skin feels like it’s about two sizes too small and it buttons at the back of my neck. Maybe that isn’t my exhaustion that I’m feeling there, maybe it’s my hair. I’ve been trying to stretch my sleep farther, and so I haven’t given my hair time to dry in the mornings. To prevent it from looking totally scraggly, it ends up getting put up in a bun.

I changed my alarm-clock ring tone to a chime, and it’s wildly weird to have the different noise. It ends up getting incorporated into my dreams, as well, briefly, which is confusing to wake up to. Perhaps I should change back.

Socks and Feathers

Curling up in a chair, with my feet level with my butt, and wearing my boyfriend’s coat is one of the greatest pleasures I can think of. I love that jacket, it’s a grey plaid flannel, and it has that woolly sheep-fur junk as a liner. It’s so snuggly. I got to wear it in the car on the way back to my house, too, with the windows down and the air so cold I could feel it swirling around in my lungs, and the music so loud that it was hard to believe that anything was making noise anywhere else in the world. That was wonderful.

Speaking of woolly mammoths, I read a really funny book a while back called Mammoth. It was about… a mammoth. I bought it while on vacation, and read it at the beach. I love books like that, the trashy sci-fi novels that you don’t feel the least bit silly or guilty reading while you’re chilling out on vacation. I mean, I read the trashy sci-fi at home, too, but I always feel like I have to roll my eyes at it and keep my distance, or else I’m wasting my time. When I’m on vacation, though, I’m allowed to enjoy the stupid.

I have the worst skin. Not in terms of appearance, but it’s that awful combination skin. Yesterday my nose was flaking, and my cheeks and forehead were oily like no one’s business. So, when I went to Tar-jey, I was interested in buying some face lotion that didn’t have oil in it. I ended up getting some with sunscreen in it, which is wildly exciting to me, because I’m sick of being so freakishly pale that I sunburn walking to class. In the autumn. I also got new face soap that smells like lemons.

I chew sugar-free gum to the exclusion of sugared gum, because the gum with sugar in it gives me cavities. Once the flavor has started leaving the sugar-free gum, though, it starts to taste a little funny, with the same sort of aftertaste as diet soda, which I take pains to avoid.

I love wearing baggy, long-sleeved shirts and sweaters. They make me feel prettier, which seems a little backwards. Maybe it’s because I think that my face is halfway decent, but I’m not too sure about the rest of me. Besides that, they make me feel like a little kid again, ready for hot chocolate and freeze-tag. I think that’s why I like wearing the boyfriend’s coat, too.

I have a necklace with two jade fish hanging from it, and I think it’s fabulous. Fish are fascinating animals. They have such interesting body shapes, and they’re so foreign, like birds are. Birds and fish are a lot alike. They both, for the most part, live in three dimensional worlds, while ours is largely a two dimensional one. While it’s true that we do move up and down to some degree, compared to the lives that birds and fish must lead, our experience must be completely flat. I envy them that extra degree of life.

Turtle neck sweaters are too cozy for words.

The wind today is so extreme. There was junk flying all over the freeway, and it actually cut visibility down pretty far. It was unpleasant.

Lately, I’ve felt sort of restless about music. There’s something I’m looking for, and I’m not finding it. I want something a little smoother, and a little sadder, something with a lot more hum and piano.

My socks are uncomfortably white today.