LARP Insults

I went to a LARP convention with my boyfriend recently so that he could sell the beautiful jewelry he makes. He did really well, and I even sold a few of my cards. On the first day of the convention, I noticed someone walking around, and I knew I'd seen him before, but I couldn't remember where. I also felt like we hadn't been friends.

The second day, I saw him again, and had the same feeling.

On the third day, while I was sitting at our booth alone, he came into the vendor's hall, and it hit me.

"Hey," I said, smiling. "You were my TA for physics!"

He raised an eyebrow and said, "That might be possible." He walked over to the booth.

"Yeah, at my specific school," I specified. "For my specific physics class."

"Oh, I thought you looked familiar," he said.

I smiled and nodded, and then glanced at the yellow pumps he was carrying. "Are those your shoes?"

He frowned a little and then laughed. "No, I found these. I'm trying to figure out who they belong to. None of my characters are female."

"That's too bad."

"Well, I don't really have the physique for it; maybe the stature."

We both laughed, and it was at this moment that my boyfriend walked back into the room, through the door which was maybe fifteen feet away from the booth (so, close enough to hear me). I said, "Well, you could be a dwarf female if you grew--" --a beard, I meant to say, but I didn't get the chance.

"Are you calling me short?!"

I blustered and tried to explain, but it was too late. He stomped out of the vendor's room, and my boyfriend walked over to the table, and looked down at me, looking both puzzled and shocked.

"What?" I was embarrassed and grumpy.

"Why did you call him short?"

"He did it first," I protested.

We laughed it off, and packed up our things a couple hours later when the convention ended. It wasn't until we were about halfway home, when it hit me.

"Boyfriend! I just remembered!"

"What?" He looked alarmed, probably because I was driving and shouting at him at the same time.

"That guy, the one who I called short on accident! He was sensitive about it."

"Yeah...?" Obviously he didn't understand me.

"Nonono," I turned down the radio, and he flinched a little as I took my hand from the 2 o'clock position on the steering wheel. "No, in class-- I think he wore lifts in his shoes. I can't believe I forgot that."

My boyfriend laughed appropriately, and we stopped for pizza. I had peperoni and cashews, even though I decided not to eat meat made of many individual animals anymore.