Toilets and Lamps

Last night I dreamed that my boyfriend’s aunt was a real estate agent, and she was trying to sell this little house. I decided that I wanted it, so I told my lawyer. Then this woman started moving her junk into the house, and I helped her, until I realized that she did not, in fact, have first dibs on the house, so I kicked her out-- mostly so I could have the lava lamp. Then, when I was in the kitchen looking for food, my boyfriend proposed to me with a ring that had this wooden surface that was about three by five inches. It was huge. There were intricate carvings, and in the middle was a large orange opal, which was lovely, with diamonds in the corners. When I didn’t show a lot of enthusiasm at wearing the monstrosity (for an hour, much less forever) I could tell that it really hurt his feelings, but the ring was so ugly and huge that I couldn’t help but reject it. Read something into that, why don’t you?

Cream cheese is fantastic.

Ever had one of those times where you just can’t stop yawning, even though none of them are satisfying? And you end up yawning in the hopes that it’ll work, but it doesn’t. And you get those little air pockets behind your tongue, and then you end up hurting your neck. It sucks.

I don’t usually like brown and black together, but I was hit with the overwhelming urge, this morning, to wear a brown shirt with black pants, and it makes me feel sort of funny inside. But then, I do have Trent Lane on my chest, so maybe it’s all good.

I’m one of those people who sneeze when they walk out into bright places.

There has to be a better way to design girls toilets. The way guys pee seems so much more sanitary. I mean, we have to actually sit down on the seat, and even using a little tissue cover doesn’t seem that clean to me. I can’t think of a solution right now, but I’m sure one exists. I also don’t like touching the door handles in restrooms.

I smashed the ever-loving crap out of my finger the other day and it’s so weird to watch the skin grow back on. I hate it when skin pulls back from nails and you can see into the finger. I always feel like if I stare at it too long, something will pop out and be all like, “BOO,” and make me jump out of the rest of my skin.

I put my hair in a bun almost every day and I’m sick of it, man. I need some other hairstyles. Perhaps I should make it a goal to learn to braid my own hair. It’ll go on the list with learning how to knit, embroider and speak Dutch.

I like the concept of the elevator but I think we need to bring the classy back. There should be a person in there, pushin’ the buttons for you. And you should tip them. Pay for the privilege of not walking up forty thousand flights of stairs. And we need more velvet on the walls. Or wall paper, with floral designs and delicate lighting with pink-tinted glass. Public type places seem like they used to be so much more decorated than they are now, and I think that’s a royal shame. Even if it’s laminate, let’s bring back the idea of marble and polished wood. The world should be a beautiful place. I know that a great many great people think that opulence is a waste of materials and manpower, but it’s so very pretty.