Sugared Goats

I am that unholy mixture of nervous and angry. I have an important midterm coming up at eleven o’clock, and as a result, my normally short fuse is pretty much nonexistent. I spent a lot of my time studying for it this weekend, but I still don’t feel prepared. It’s chemistry though, and as hard as I might try, I think that’s always going to be a weak subject for me. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, because on the surface, it seems like it should be right up my alley. I love the sciences, and math is fun, and conceptual stuff usually makes me happy. For some reason though, as soon as you start talking electrons to me, my eyes glaze over and my mind wanders. I’m fighting to overcome this weakness, though, because when you need six quarters of a subject you can’t really afford to be lax about it.

I was at a store with one of my best friends a while back, and because we became tired, we found a bench and sat down. Twenty minutes later we realized that we were facing the laxatives. I think that it is very strange that a store like that would be so tactless as to place a bench facing the wall’o-easy-poo. I mean, if you had to grab a bottle of stool softener, would you want to do so with an audience? I think not. It would be like having a bench in front of the maxi-pads or the “family planning” section of the store—it’s just not the thing to do. Incidentally, no one grabbed anything while we were sitting on the bench, although several people did walk by, look at us, and then walk away, so maybe we were scaring away business… poor, miserable, constipated business.

I’ve never really been all that fond of the taste of popcorn. It has never been one of those foods that I think of when I’m sitting and minding my own business, never one that I crave. Sure I like popcorn okay, and I’ll eat it, and sometimes I’ll even make it for myself. Once in a while I just want salt and butter, and don’t really care where that comes from. But popcorn itself just isn’t all that exciting. (The obvious exception being movie popcorn—that stuff is just straight up crack). Kettle corn is an entirely different animal. Kettle corn is absolutely amazing. At first, I thought this was odd, that I would enjoy kettle corn so much, while not really caring at all about popcorn (with or without cheese). Then I realized a simple fact: I love sugar.

I am not really that big on things like cakes and cookies, and most candies are simply good, not amazing. Things that are only a little sweet though, but have loads of sugary joy—ohh baby. I can’t get enough of them. Like salad dressings with honey, or sweetish bread… or kettle corn. There’s something about things with just enough sugar to notice that really floats my goat.

While we’re on the subject, I am rather fond of goats. It is one of my many dreams to have a pet goat. It will be a female goat, and I will milk her, and I will use that milk to make ice cream. I love goat’s-milk-ice-cream like nothing else. Besides that, with their freakish eyes and knobby knees, goats are completely adorable. They should all be wearing those golf hats with the pompoms on top.